Dear Rita,

I have been dating a man 10 years my senior for about 2 months (he's 42 i'm 32). I feel deeply connected to him in a way I haven't felt in years, maybe ever, and he says he feels the same. The sex is/was fantastic! The problem is he sometimes goes hot and cold on me. One second he is planning a future for us and the next he can't seem to pick up the phone or call me back, sometimes for days. Once we made plans for a big romantic weekend (his idea) in Nantucket, (i've never been) and he flat out disappeared. We were set to leave on a Friday and I didn't hear from him until the following Monday. He acted like he totally forgot. I was too embarrassed to call him on it and didn't want to make him leave again when he finally called. He was in such a good mood and so happy to be with me, I decided to let it slide. But he is really is such a great person and I love his style. He always looks impecable and is up on the latest designers and restaurants. I don't want to come off as too needy. Recently we were talking on the phone when he suddenly lost service, he said when he called me back a day later that he had been talking on the subway and I thought that was strange, he wasn't like this before. He remarked that I should feel comfortable now that our relationship is established and to trust it, but I can't help it. He's a catch, how do I keep him?

Joyless D.

Dear Joyless,

Question, are you high all the time or just when you wrote this query? Now that I've gotten that out of my system, let's dig in. Kudos for getting laid, but like the great Maya Angelou said "when someone shows you who they are believe them". Need I say more? I need. He's right, your relationship is established and you should trust it. Trust that WHEN he calls - you come begging- tail wagging, and when he doesn't you'll mope around waiting. Trust that. Because it's never going to change. This is who he is and who you are with him. When you decide to take something as big as blowing you off for an entire weekend, and "let it slide" you are saying you agree with his treatment of you, is that really the message you wanted to give? And what do you mean "he wasn't like this before"...two months is next to nothing, now IS before! This is it. Take it or leave it, he can and he does. I hope that you will care as much about yourself as his appearance and where he can take you and you will move on (heel toe).