Dear Rita,

I am away at school and live in a co-ed dorm. My boyfriend who lives across the hall and I usually hang out in my room and one of our other neighbors, my friend "Barbara" sometimes hangs out with us too. The thing is that while I really like Barbara when we hang out one on one together, (we talk about and have mutual agreement on moral issues etc.) when my bf is around she seems like a different person. She will come over in a tank top with no bra on, change into next to nothing and while I wouldn't say she is flirting per se, is definitly striking an available pose. It's not just me noticing, my bf and I have laughed about her together, like she'll wear a revealing dress and bend over so if he wanted to he could look down her shirt or see her thong...like, just weird. The thing is we're friends and I know my bf isn't her type...so I just don't get it. What gives?

Baffled by the Broad

Dear Baffled,

Broad is right. The nerve. I wouldn't think this is tricky except that I know someone just like this. Normally I would say, this girl is not your friend. Obviously she is not your best friend but there is nothing wrong with enjoying her company for what it is and spending limited time together- without your boyfriend. "Barbara" is blatantly insecure and needs to be oggled at all times, this is the way she feels validated, by men and even though she may really like you, nothing can stop her from getting that attention, not the humiliation, your friendship, nothing. Maybe she has father issues, who knows. The point is, she's sick in this way. So, I'm going to go with what I do in my situation and what my mother always says, "To make a friend shut one eye, to keep one, shut both" and in your case, shut your bedroom door too.

Rita

Dear Rita:

We have a house rule (request) that everyone take their shoes off when
entering our house. None of our friends mind (several of them have the
same custom), even our children and their friends happily oblige before
entering the house. The only person who won't follow this request is my
mother. She claims "it's too cold." Never mind that she is always
inappropriately dressed, which is the cause of her "coldness." I have
reminded her several times and so have our children; I even bought her
a pair of slippers, but she says, "they're too big." Please tell me how
to handle my very difficult mother.

Daughter of Cold Feet

Dear Cold Feet,

As a mother who also appreciates that the outdoors stay out of our doors, I get chill bumps just thinking about this one! Sounds like mother likes to be the head of every henhouse and your polite tactics aren't paying off. Next time she plans to come over tell her the house request has changed to a house rule and since she has always set such a fine example to you and yours growing up you are happy to have her set the bar once more, no shoes or she'll be out in the cold!

Good Cluck!

Rita

Dear Rita,

I was out this weekend when daylight savings time ended. I was really looking forward to partying an extra hour this weekend because of the time change, but the bar cut us of at 2:00am even though it was really 1:00am. . What gives? Can they do that? Please let me know if I’m just being a baby, or if I have a reason to complain!

Thanks,
No Time to Drink


Dear No Time,

Geez! What a jip, daylight 'savings' -ripped you off! As long as you're living you have reason to complain, but this goes beyond the pale. Now, my 'partying' days are sadly behind me but I don't have to be a Kennedy to know that anybody who is staying until last call enjoys a bar that won't quit ESPECIALLY when they have an easy loophole to negotiate like daylight savings. It's bad for drinkers, bad for business and bad for America, whats next Prohibition? Not on my watch.

Thanks for writing in.

Rita.

Dear Rita,

Gag me. I had a dream (nightmare) that I had SEX sitting indian style. INDIAN STYLE with my father-in-law!! He is an old infirm crinkly crank that I take care of day after day and I have no idea how I am ever going to face him again. It was so vivid and gnarly, luckily in the dream he made me wear a pretty blue long tu-tu over my bottom half and that covered the "act" up...so I dont' have to see that in my minds eye, but the rest...disgusting. Help.

Senior Moment

Dear Senior,

As Lional Richie sang...Gag you? Gag ME! Okay, well fortunately you've come to the right place, I happen to have a bit of success with dream analysis. Could it be that you were having sex in the dream while sitting Indian Style because you were tired? And could it be that you were having sex with your old bag father-in-law because you are tired of "fucking the same old thing" day after day? Not sure what the blue tu-tu has to do, maybe you are covering up your boredom with a pretty expression of youth...maybe you need to go to the ballet? Whatever the reason I think it's time to switch up your daddy day care and find something else to turn you on before you go out of your 'fucking' mind.

Rita

Dear Rita,

I'm 24 and in a long term relationship. My fiance and I have been together for three years. Last week I took a pregnancy test and found out its positive and we are not ready for a baby. We are just getting our masters degrees and looking forward to a few years of travel and being together before starting a family. We always use protection but the condom must have broke. I am so confused and depressed. I have always been pro-choice but now that its me in the situation I don't know what to do. Please help.

Bad Timing

Dear Bad,

I'm so sorry to hear of your predicament. There are lots of women who have been in your situation and websites you can check out for support. You and your fiance need to sit down together and go over what terminating this pregnancy will mean or won't mean to both of you. It is not an easy decision but one that is ultimately yours. Adoption is another option. Keeping the baby may also be something you decide to do, going to school full time and being new parents won't be your easiest alternative, in any way, but may be the most rewarding. Depending on how far along you are, these are your three options, find the one you are most comfortable with and don't look back. Good Luck.

Rita

Dear Rita,

I'm 18 and a freshmen in college. My roomate and I grew up together and have been friends since nursrey school. Recently, I told her hometown boyfriend who she "loves" that she made out with a fraternity boy who lives down the hall. Her boyfriend was visiting at the time. My friend got so drunk she left her boyfriend in our room by himself all night and forgot about him. THEN she got home and kissed the boy down the hall! I was horrified and told her boyfriend the next morning. She was so upset she passed out, but never got mad at me. I think she was about to -she said "why did you tell him?!" I was like "WHAT?" I mean excuse me, i'm not the one who did anything wrong, so i said "because you did" and she shut up. He broke up with her and I don't feel bad, her fault. But some people here think I did the wrong thing and are given me the cold shoulder. What do you think?

Honest Abe

Dear Abe,

"Snitches get stiches and wind up in ditches". Who are you, the morality police? You're 18- in college! Away from home and rules! Getting drunk and making out is exactly whats supposed to happen! If you were my roomate I'd shortsheet your bed, punch you out and transfer. If you were my life long friend I'd send myself to the psych ward for an evaluation. You sound like a big fat loser with a serious case of jealousy. Leave your poor roomate alone and go get your own life. I hope you have a "friend" like yourself when you mess up in life, so you can see how it feels. But it doesn't sound like friends are in your future. I wish you luck. Asshole.

Rita.

Dear Rita,

I've been in and out of the entertainment field for over a decade. More out than in to be honest. Now I am a mother of two living my alternate dream of a healthy family life and very happy...until. I see one of my cohorts on TV or in a movie or on a BLOG. I get so pissed off I just want to rip their smiling faces off the screen and make them poor lonely stamp lickers forever. I hate it and I hate them. Please help me. Help me not hate you.

Going Green

Dear Going Green,

As Crystal Gail sang "Don't it make my brown eyes green" - close enough. Jealousy is an unfortunate yet totally natural expression of your egos or souls longing for something you don't have. The upside is that you are not going green over not being in the NBA but not being on NBC. My point is, its attainable there is no physical reason why you can't make your soul's dream come true or at least keep working at it until you satisfy your ego. And then you can only hate yourself for not trying hard enough and take it out on your kids, which you may have never had a chance to birth had you sacrificed your eggs for the biz. That's gotta feel better. Go get 'em!

Rita